Here goes….

Here goes….



I’m new to this blogging lark but have decided that along with using twitter where I talk to myself even when alone!!! I might as well start writing down all my random thoughts like a diary…..

Thought about this for a few days now, but this evening whilst driving to work and listening to Simon Mayo on Radio 2 talking about the Children In Need fundraiser that is on tonight, I decided that I will do this ‘blogging’ thingy from now….

What do I want write about? Whats on my mind all the time? I’m not a funny person or anything like that….no humour at all in fact….people don’t call me grumpy for nothing…I just talk a lot of crap really….and thankfully for people around me I do most of the talking to myself….well… it saves annoying them and coz I am a caring person, spare them that boredom.

I am going write about about my son Connor who is our only child, nearly 14yrs of age and a handsome dude.  My wife and I adopted Connor when he was 2yrs of age, in fact a day after his 2nd birthday.  It seems like such a long time ago but in fact at times it seems like…where did the 12 yrs go…who, what, when…Anyways he was the cutest kid ever and we knew it then that he’s going to be a good looking dude when older and we were right….:-)

The early yrs with Con were like every parent would expect…full of fun and laughter.  We never had loads of cash to spend but always made sure that we had a good life.  We lived in Burgess Hill at the time and have countless videos of him doing all sorts…the best 1, my favourite is him standing on the sofa (abt 3yrs of age….) with the tv remote in hand, jumping up and down, watching and singing along to Gareth Gates song ‘TUPID Mistake’….lol.

Con did his playgroup yrs in Burgess Hill and halfway through his 1st yr at school we moved house to Haywards Heath and he he had to change schools to Northlands Wood primary.  Thats where it all started…when he was 5-6 yrs…(ashamed to say can’t remember now) everyone got concerned that Con was very loud and hyper and had trouble staying calm for too long.  Over the nest few yrs it was more and more apparent that Con did struggle to concentrate.  Anyways, the Drs suggested that he should take medication for ADHD like symptoms which in fact has been disgnosed as Post Adoption Attachment Disorder.  Yrs 5 and 6 at the primary school were good for Con coz he had terrific teachers who understood his needs and he loved going to school just to be with them.  However he struggled to make any friends….he was too hyper for his peer group, he never did make any friends.  I will never forget 1 of his birthdays when we organised a party at the local leisure centre with the laser gun/paintballing kinda stuff….Con wanted 8 of his friends to come to his party who were duely invited.  Food ordered for the party, we all turn up, all excited…..and not a single child turned up for the party.  Con could not understand why they never came….it was such a sad day for us as his parents to watch him not being able to work it out.  We knew that day that things were never going to be the same ever again.

We had numerous meetings with the school staff prior to his transition onto secondary school to make sure that would be able to settle in but ofcourse that never happened.  Con’s life was made hell by the other kids at the secondary school and within the 1st 3months of being there, being bullied, physically hurt, taunted etc….we and the school (who could have done a lot more to support him) decide that Con couldnt carry on there.

That when the nighmare really started for us.  Namely the fight with the Local Education Authority trying to get an assessment done on Con to be able to get a statement of special education needs so he could go to a specialist school.  That was almost 3 yrs ago. 

The last 2-3 yrs of our lives as a family…..its been hard.  It took the L.E Auth 6 months to get the document ready (honestly 6 freaking months….can you believe that)…and whilst this was happening Con had no school to go to.  We signed him up to go to ‘Kumon’ classes….japanese learning technique which only deals with eng and maths….basically helping a child to sharpen their learning ability.  We did this purely to keep Con involved in some kind of learning whilst the jokers in their various offices were doing various little tasks that they do….

When the statement was granted Con started life a fabulous boarding school…Slindon College…very Hogwarts like.  Con loved it there but unfortunately once again after having been there for 5 weeks the school withdrew his placement saying that they did not have enough staff to give Con the 1-2-1 that he so badly needed.  That was Dec 09….and since then my son has never been to a school or mixed with peer groups or done any such normal things that you would expect a 12/13yrs old boy to be doing.

Since then he has been home educated (online virtual classes) for the entire yr 8 and to his credit he managed the do his work well enough (just about) to be pushed up to yr 9 where he belongs now.  Its almost as if it was too good to be true, just this week the LEA have stopped his funding for the online education and instead want him to go to a kind of a correctional facility where they deal with young ofenders and generally kids with extreme behavioural issues.

Con’s doctor and our support worker from the adoption dept are all saying that Con does not need to go such an extreme place, he needs to be in a specialist school where he can be supported emotionally and taught social skills (which he has missed out over the yrs simply coz of lack of contact with peer group).  We are now living everyday waiting for tel calls and emails from the ‘high and mighty’ who will decide our son’s future….I cannot describe the feeling….

Con has turned aggoraphobic, is a complete recluse, locked up in his room for hrs on end…his only escape is gaming and loud music…his words are…’its helps me not to think about my horrible life’….

And nobody cares….at least nobody in the childcare profession…the Education dept/Social Services….

Hope Children In Need helps kids like Connor in the future

Enough of me for now….


One Response to “Here goes….”

  1. chit chat Says:

    This needs to be spread. As a sister I have silently watched my brother and his wife struggle, even to hold on to their sanity. I have had moments of acute anger and incredulity at the extreme apathy of the powers that be. A child has ADHD- so many do. And Connor certainly does not need to go to a correctional facility. He needs to go to a school where he has good teachers that understand his needs. I have often wondered about how the edu system works ??? A bright child, that is hyperactive- he needs activity that makes him focus his energies, and he needs to be made to understand the importance of education (Of which he is very capable- he is a sharp child). I have felt helpless. Have wondered how/when is this trauma going to end for my brother and his family. My brother is a warm caring person, his wife is a fun loving caring mother, Connor is a vivacious kid. They deserve so much more, and so much better.

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